For the moments I feel faint
I am usually a pretty even keeled person. I don’t tend to have strong emotional reactions to things, and if I get down about something, I normally bounce back pretty quickly. Maybe it's for this reason that when I feel sad, I almost wonder what is wrong with me, as if I think I shouldn't have such feelings. As I have mentioned in my previous posts, my natural inclination is, unfortunately, to internalize how I feel. But what do I do when I can’t seem to shake it?
I was going to write all this advice about making a choice, to the degree that you can, to choose positivity instead of choosing to wallow in sadness, and to remember that life has seasons, and whatever season you're in won't last forever. Those are things that I firmly believe, and if you need to hear them, then please take them to heart. But I don't feel like trying to give advice today. What do I really hold on to in those moments when it seems like the crappy way I am feeling is never going to end? What do you hold on to?
Let me take a moment here to do something crazy. I am going to share a poem I wrote for the creativity class I just finished last week. I’m not at all confident in its aesthetic value--I am not a poet--but it is a proper sonnet, and I feel like it pretty accurately conveys what I wanted to say about friendship. I call it Luminescence, and I wrote it keeping in mind all of the people who have been there for me. If you are reading this and you think you might be one of those people, trust me, you are.
*****
When calm and peaceful waves that once were mine
Turn into fears that sink me in the deep
When moon is far and stars no longer shine
On shadows where I hide but cannot sleep
From whence might soft illumination fall
And, long-awaited, drift to distant coast
Caress a wearied, tired, nigh-drowned soul
And chase away the whispering dark ghost
That speaks to me that I am all alone
That tells me that no hope is to be found
A luminescence warms me to the bone
And guide me back onto the solid ground
When all seemed lost and darkness was at hand
You lit the way and brought me back to land
*****
All of that is to say that, when I have been struggling, I have found myself holding on to people. God has put some incredible people in my life, and I am positive that He has put some pretty amazing people in your life too. He designed us to lean on each other. We can use our experiences, even the painful ones--especially the painful ones--to help others.
When I think about this, I remember something that a friend of mine once said to me. He deals with anxiety, and I know that it makes life pretty tough for him sometimes. But instead of feeling sorry for himself, he told me that he wants to use his experiences, his struggles, to help other people. Even though it hurts my heart to think about someone I care about being in that kind of pain, I am humbled and amazed by that perspective. Isn't that really what it's all about? The purpose of our pain may not always be immediately clear, but as Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 1:3-5:
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ."
Life is tough for all of us sometimes, but God has given us an amazing gift: each other. As you walk the ups and downs of life together, you might find that maybe you're not as crazy as you thought you were. You might find that you're not alone.
Shifting gears a bit, until recently I had not really been the type to listen to worship music much outside of church. However, I have found that this music has helped me to cling to God in some of the tough moments I've found myself in over the past few months. They sometimes give me the words that I don't have myself. I'm going to list some of the lines from some of the songs that have meant the most to me. Whether you know these songs or not, maybe they will mean something to you too.
Waiting for change to come
Knowing the battle's won
For You have never failed me yet
I know the night won't last
Your Word will come to pass
My heart will sing Your praise again
Your promise still stands
Great is Your faithfulness
You made a way where there was no way
And I believe I'll see You do it again
(from Do It Again by Elevation Worship)
Christ is my reward
And all of my devotion
Now there's nothing in this world
That could ever satisfy
Through every trial
My soul will sing
Christ my all in all
The joy of my salvation
I have decided to follow Jesus
The cross before me
The world behind me
No turning back
(from Christ Is Enough by Hillsong Worship)
The other song I have found myself living with recently is Reckless Love by Cory Asbury. If you go to a church that sings modern worship songs or listen to virtually any Christian radio station, I am sure you have heard this song. When we first started singing it at my church, I thought it was nice, but to be honest, at first I didn’t totally understand why it seemed to resonate so strongly with so many people.
Last weekend, though, we sang this song at fall camp with the international students. I had the privilege of singing with our little band, but for one worship set, I was in the back running the lyrics on the computer instead. For some reason, maybe because of the setting, maybe because of the state of my heart, the song really hit home. I was powerfully reminded of how much stronger God’s love is than any love in this world. He is the one who never fails, who relentlessly pursues us, who has gone to every length for our sakes, even though we have let Him down time and time again. In that moment, I felt a bit like I was desperately clinging to the truth of those words, like a drowning person holding onto a life saver. That God would love me that much, would go so far for me… He is amazing, and there are no proper words to express my gratitude to Him. I honestly have a hard time understanding how I would get through the trials and pain of this life without the hope that is found in God.
There is nothing new or earth shattering in this blog post, but I hope that maybe it will encourage you, even just a little bit. If you are struggling right now, you are not alone. There is a way forward, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. Lean on other people, and lean on God, the One who will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
Hold on. You are loved.
I was going to write all this advice about making a choice, to the degree that you can, to choose positivity instead of choosing to wallow in sadness, and to remember that life has seasons, and whatever season you're in won't last forever. Those are things that I firmly believe, and if you need to hear them, then please take them to heart. But I don't feel like trying to give advice today. What do I really hold on to in those moments when it seems like the crappy way I am feeling is never going to end? What do you hold on to?
Let me take a moment here to do something crazy. I am going to share a poem I wrote for the creativity class I just finished last week. I’m not at all confident in its aesthetic value--I am not a poet--but it is a proper sonnet, and I feel like it pretty accurately conveys what I wanted to say about friendship. I call it Luminescence, and I wrote it keeping in mind all of the people who have been there for me. If you are reading this and you think you might be one of those people, trust me, you are.
*****
When calm and peaceful waves that once were mine
Turn into fears that sink me in the deep
When moon is far and stars no longer shine
On shadows where I hide but cannot sleep
From whence might soft illumination fall
And, long-awaited, drift to distant coast
Caress a wearied, tired, nigh-drowned soul
And chase away the whispering dark ghost
That speaks to me that I am all alone
That tells me that no hope is to be found
A luminescence warms me to the bone
And guide me back onto the solid ground
When all seemed lost and darkness was at hand
You lit the way and brought me back to land
*****
All of that is to say that, when I have been struggling, I have found myself holding on to people. God has put some incredible people in my life, and I am positive that He has put some pretty amazing people in your life too. He designed us to lean on each other. We can use our experiences, even the painful ones--especially the painful ones--to help others.
When I think about this, I remember something that a friend of mine once said to me. He deals with anxiety, and I know that it makes life pretty tough for him sometimes. But instead of feeling sorry for himself, he told me that he wants to use his experiences, his struggles, to help other people. Even though it hurts my heart to think about someone I care about being in that kind of pain, I am humbled and amazed by that perspective. Isn't that really what it's all about? The purpose of our pain may not always be immediately clear, but as Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 1:3-5:
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ."
Life is tough for all of us sometimes, but God has given us an amazing gift: each other. As you walk the ups and downs of life together, you might find that maybe you're not as crazy as you thought you were. You might find that you're not alone.
Shifting gears a bit, until recently I had not really been the type to listen to worship music much outside of church. However, I have found that this music has helped me to cling to God in some of the tough moments I've found myself in over the past few months. They sometimes give me the words that I don't have myself. I'm going to list some of the lines from some of the songs that have meant the most to me. Whether you know these songs or not, maybe they will mean something to you too.
Waiting for change to come
Knowing the battle's won
For You have never failed me yet
I know the night won't last
Your Word will come to pass
My heart will sing Your praise again
Your promise still stands
Great is Your faithfulness
You made a way where there was no way
And I believe I'll see You do it again
(from Do It Again by Elevation Worship)
Christ is my reward
And all of my devotion
Now there's nothing in this world
That could ever satisfy
Through every trial
My soul will sing
Christ my all in all
The joy of my salvation
I have decided to follow Jesus
The cross before me
The world behind me
No turning back
(from Christ Is Enough by Hillsong Worship)
The other song I have found myself living with recently is Reckless Love by Cory Asbury. If you go to a church that sings modern worship songs or listen to virtually any Christian radio station, I am sure you have heard this song. When we first started singing it at my church, I thought it was nice, but to be honest, at first I didn’t totally understand why it seemed to resonate so strongly with so many people.
Last weekend, though, we sang this song at fall camp with the international students. I had the privilege of singing with our little band, but for one worship set, I was in the back running the lyrics on the computer instead. For some reason, maybe because of the setting, maybe because of the state of my heart, the song really hit home. I was powerfully reminded of how much stronger God’s love is than any love in this world. He is the one who never fails, who relentlessly pursues us, who has gone to every length for our sakes, even though we have let Him down time and time again. In that moment, I felt a bit like I was desperately clinging to the truth of those words, like a drowning person holding onto a life saver. That God would love me that much, would go so far for me… He is amazing, and there are no proper words to express my gratitude to Him. I honestly have a hard time understanding how I would get through the trials and pain of this life without the hope that is found in God.
There is nothing new or earth shattering in this blog post, but I hope that maybe it will encourage you, even just a little bit. If you are struggling right now, you are not alone. There is a way forward, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. Lean on other people, and lean on God, the One who will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
Hold on. You are loved.
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