Don't go it alone
We aren't meant to walk this life alone.
I tell people that I am an introvert, but those who have only known me for the past several years don't believe me. It's true, though, although perhaps not as true as it used to be. I used to be very quiet, especially in situations where I wasn't comfortable and didn't know many people. It used to take me a long time to make new friends. I remember being in community college and taking an entire semester to feel like I had become friends with someone, simply because I kept to myself so much and rarely initiated conversation. I was okay with it for the most part, though; as long as I had a few good friends, I was alright.
At the same time, some of those years in community college were pretty rough. Like many young adults, I was struggling to find my direction. I didn't know what I wanted to major in, which resulted in me feeling stuck. I felt like I was supposed to know what kind of future I wanted, which would then determine what I should study now. I needed to figure out where my life was going, but I couldn't. I couldn't see a way forward. For several years, I felt like there was a wall in front of me. It was tough, and I'm certain that I was thinking too much, but in retrospect, what made it worse was that I didn't talk to anyone about it.
I don't think I even knew how to articulate how I felt at that time, but I also have a tendency, which I still fight, to think that there's no point in talking about how I feel. After all, what is that going to accomplish? In the end, the situation will still be the same, except that maybe now someone will be worried about me, which is not what I want. So better to keep it to myself and keep pushing forward, rather than pointlessly burdening someone else with my problems. Things will work out eventually one way or another, right?
It will, I imagine, be obvious to those of you who read my last blog post about my feelings regarding my singleness that my thinking on vulnerability has changed dramatically. In spite of this, I still feel that my pride, or self-consciousness, or something tries to get in the way of me opening up to people, especially with regards to negative emotions and the struggles I face. My problems aren't so big; I really am not justified in complaining. Other people have it worse. I don't want to be a burden to anyone. I would rather be there for other people than have them worry about me. It's better for them if I am the strong one. And on and on.
But what I am slowly coming to understand is that vulnerability breeds vulnerability, and this is what opens the door to authentic relationship. How can I expect other people to open up to me if I never open up to them? I'm not talking about complaining about whatever is on your mind, but really walking through the ups and downs of life together. When people open up to each other, when they are real and authentic about where they are at, something beautiful happens. A space that didn't exist before is created: a space where people can help each other, support each other, love each other, and be their true selves.
Life gets messy, and there will be bumps in the road. We will all hurt each other sometimes. But that isn't a reason not to open up. C.S. Lewis says it so much more eloquently than I ever could:
I tell people that I am an introvert, but those who have only known me for the past several years don't believe me. It's true, though, although perhaps not as true as it used to be. I used to be very quiet, especially in situations where I wasn't comfortable and didn't know many people. It used to take me a long time to make new friends. I remember being in community college and taking an entire semester to feel like I had become friends with someone, simply because I kept to myself so much and rarely initiated conversation. I was okay with it for the most part, though; as long as I had a few good friends, I was alright.
At the same time, some of those years in community college were pretty rough. Like many young adults, I was struggling to find my direction. I didn't know what I wanted to major in, which resulted in me feeling stuck. I felt like I was supposed to know what kind of future I wanted, which would then determine what I should study now. I needed to figure out where my life was going, but I couldn't. I couldn't see a way forward. For several years, I felt like there was a wall in front of me. It was tough, and I'm certain that I was thinking too much, but in retrospect, what made it worse was that I didn't talk to anyone about it.
I don't think I even knew how to articulate how I felt at that time, but I also have a tendency, which I still fight, to think that there's no point in talking about how I feel. After all, what is that going to accomplish? In the end, the situation will still be the same, except that maybe now someone will be worried about me, which is not what I want. So better to keep it to myself and keep pushing forward, rather than pointlessly burdening someone else with my problems. Things will work out eventually one way or another, right?
It will, I imagine, be obvious to those of you who read my last blog post about my feelings regarding my singleness that my thinking on vulnerability has changed dramatically. In spite of this, I still feel that my pride, or self-consciousness, or something tries to get in the way of me opening up to people, especially with regards to negative emotions and the struggles I face. My problems aren't so big; I really am not justified in complaining. Other people have it worse. I don't want to be a burden to anyone. I would rather be there for other people than have them worry about me. It's better for them if I am the strong one. And on and on.
But what I am slowly coming to understand is that vulnerability breeds vulnerability, and this is what opens the door to authentic relationship. How can I expect other people to open up to me if I never open up to them? I'm not talking about complaining about whatever is on your mind, but really walking through the ups and downs of life together. When people open up to each other, when they are real and authentic about where they are at, something beautiful happens. A space that didn't exist before is created: a space where people can help each other, support each other, love each other, and be their true selves.
Life gets messy, and there will be bumps in the road. We will all hurt each other sometimes. But that isn't a reason not to open up. C.S. Lewis says it so much more eloquently than I ever could:
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."(from The Four Loves)
I have learned a lot in the past several years, thanks to my study of leadership, my experience in ministry, and just plain growing up. I have learned that it's okay to let the people close to me know what's really going on with me, the way that I hope that they will let me know what's really going on with them, so that I can be there for them. It's okay to let other people be there for me.
It's okay to let other people be there for me.
None of us has it all together; that's why we have each other. I feel like I am starting to understand the truth of Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:
It's okay to let other people be there for me.
None of us has it all together; that's why we have each other. I feel like I am starting to understand the truth of Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:
Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
We aren't meant to walk this life alone. Thank you to each one of you who are walking it with me.
Comments
Post a Comment