Forward
My name is Amber, and I'm 34 and never married.
It's funny to start out a new blog this way, because I actually don't think that those things define me at all. I hang out with a lot of people who are different ages from me, and I have found that, in many respects, age matters less and less the older you get. I have also always held a strong conviction that I am much more than my marital status.
I have, by all accounts, an awesome life. I have great family and friends who love me and are there for me. I get to do a meaningful job that I love and am passionate about. I'm not rich, but I have never gone without. I have a lot of fun, and have interesting hobbies. I even get to travel a bit.
And most of the time, I feel like being single is fantastic. I am free to do what I want, when I want. If I want to go out of town, I don't have to ask anyone; I just go. If I decide to stay out super late with my friends, no one is bothered. It is my singleness that enabled me to take off for Japan back in 2010 and stay for three and a half years. And now, it is my singleness that allows me to fully pour myself out into my friends, my church, and especially the international students I work with, who I love.
Like anything, though, singleness has its ups and downs. Sometimes looking at Facebook, I feel a bit like I'm being left behind. Mid-30s and still single? Never married? Never even really dates?
Is something wrong with me?
I don't actually think so--or at least, I don't think I do--but the insidious thought sneaks into my brain from time to time.
And sometimes, for one reason or another, or maybe for no reason at all, in spite of being surrounded by so many great people, it feels a bit lonely. I don't have that one person to walk through life together with. I know that I matter to people, but I'm not anyone's number one person, the one who matters to them more than anyone else. For people in relationships, they have their partner. And for those like me who aren't in relationships, well, we have lots of people who are important to us, and a few who are really important. But there just isn't that one person.
So how do I navigate this, in those moments where I feel lonely, even when logic tells me that I am surrounded by wonderful people? I wish I could grace you all with an answer by the end of this blog. But maybe the truth is that we're all a little bit lonely. I've lived long enough, and heard enough people's stories, to know that marriage is not the happily ever after. So if marriage isn't the answer, maybe there really isn't one.
And so, I will not compromise. I'm not going to go out with a guy I'm not interested in just because he asks me, just because I feel like I should, just because I'm single. And I'm also not going to lower my standards. I don't have a List like some single girls might, although I do have a few standards that are not negotiable. But even though I may not have a List, I do have a sense of what kind of guy I'm looking for, and I'm sticking with that. I'd rather be single than in a relationship with someone who isn't right for me.
Life is weird. 34 looks, in many respects, a lot different than I thought it would when I was younger. I don't know where things are going to go from here. A lot of well-meaning people tell me that I'm going to meet the right person and get married someday, that God has someone for everyone. Frankly, life doesn't promise that, and neither does God. And being told that doesn't really make me feel any better. I've been waiting this long; after a while, being told that I just need to keep waiting for the right person sounds a bit hollow. It gets a bit tough not to become bitter.
I am becoming more emotional than I expected as I write this, but maybe that's because I'm doing what I've told myself that I want to get better at: being honest about how I feel. I don't like to show negative emotions. I don't like when people worry about me, and I definitely don't like to cry in front of people. Maybe it's pride; I don't know exactly.
But I am learning that it's not just okay to be honest; it's healthy, and, strangely enough, it actually does help. So this whole blog post, and probably future blog posts as well, will maybe be my own form of therapy, of being transparent about what's on my mind. And if my blog posts always end in hope? That's not false hope; that is the very sincere hope I have because I really do believe that, no matter what life throws my way, there is a good God, and my life (and every life) matters, and life goes on.
That's where the title of this blog, "Ever On," comes from, actually. It's a snippet of a quote from the Lord of the Rings, from Bilbo's walking song. The line goes, "The road goes every on and on," and to me, it's a metaphor for the journey of life. We don't know where it will take us, but we move forward anyway. And maybe that's what matters.
So, yes, I'm 34 and never married. And I will keep moving forward.
It's funny to start out a new blog this way, because I actually don't think that those things define me at all. I hang out with a lot of people who are different ages from me, and I have found that, in many respects, age matters less and less the older you get. I have also always held a strong conviction that I am much more than my marital status.
I have, by all accounts, an awesome life. I have great family and friends who love me and are there for me. I get to do a meaningful job that I love and am passionate about. I'm not rich, but I have never gone without. I have a lot of fun, and have interesting hobbies. I even get to travel a bit.
And most of the time, I feel like being single is fantastic. I am free to do what I want, when I want. If I want to go out of town, I don't have to ask anyone; I just go. If I decide to stay out super late with my friends, no one is bothered. It is my singleness that enabled me to take off for Japan back in 2010 and stay for three and a half years. And now, it is my singleness that allows me to fully pour myself out into my friends, my church, and especially the international students I work with, who I love.
Like anything, though, singleness has its ups and downs. Sometimes looking at Facebook, I feel a bit like I'm being left behind. Mid-30s and still single? Never married? Never even really dates?
Is something wrong with me?
I don't actually think so--or at least, I don't think I do--but the insidious thought sneaks into my brain from time to time.
And sometimes, for one reason or another, or maybe for no reason at all, in spite of being surrounded by so many great people, it feels a bit lonely. I don't have that one person to walk through life together with. I know that I matter to people, but I'm not anyone's number one person, the one who matters to them more than anyone else. For people in relationships, they have their partner. And for those like me who aren't in relationships, well, we have lots of people who are important to us, and a few who are really important. But there just isn't that one person.
So how do I navigate this, in those moments where I feel lonely, even when logic tells me that I am surrounded by wonderful people? I wish I could grace you all with an answer by the end of this blog. But maybe the truth is that we're all a little bit lonely. I've lived long enough, and heard enough people's stories, to know that marriage is not the happily ever after. So if marriage isn't the answer, maybe there really isn't one.
And so, I will not compromise. I'm not going to go out with a guy I'm not interested in just because he asks me, just because I feel like I should, just because I'm single. And I'm also not going to lower my standards. I don't have a List like some single girls might, although I do have a few standards that are not negotiable. But even though I may not have a List, I do have a sense of what kind of guy I'm looking for, and I'm sticking with that. I'd rather be single than in a relationship with someone who isn't right for me.
Life is weird. 34 looks, in many respects, a lot different than I thought it would when I was younger. I don't know where things are going to go from here. A lot of well-meaning people tell me that I'm going to meet the right person and get married someday, that God has someone for everyone. Frankly, life doesn't promise that, and neither does God. And being told that doesn't really make me feel any better. I've been waiting this long; after a while, being told that I just need to keep waiting for the right person sounds a bit hollow. It gets a bit tough not to become bitter.
I am becoming more emotional than I expected as I write this, but maybe that's because I'm doing what I've told myself that I want to get better at: being honest about how I feel. I don't like to show negative emotions. I don't like when people worry about me, and I definitely don't like to cry in front of people. Maybe it's pride; I don't know exactly.
But I am learning that it's not just okay to be honest; it's healthy, and, strangely enough, it actually does help. So this whole blog post, and probably future blog posts as well, will maybe be my own form of therapy, of being transparent about what's on my mind. And if my blog posts always end in hope? That's not false hope; that is the very sincere hope I have because I really do believe that, no matter what life throws my way, there is a good God, and my life (and every life) matters, and life goes on.
That's where the title of this blog, "Ever On," comes from, actually. It's a snippet of a quote from the Lord of the Rings, from Bilbo's walking song. The line goes, "The road goes every on and on," and to me, it's a metaphor for the journey of life. We don't know where it will take us, but we move forward anyway. And maybe that's what matters.
So, yes, I'm 34 and never married. And I will keep moving forward.
Thanks for sharing your heart with us! ❤
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your encouragement! Love you dear
ReplyDelete